Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night.
On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. D’oh. Human contact: the final frontier. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies. Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
Say goodbye to these, because it’s the last time! Well, what do you expect, mother? I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.